Mahadeva participated in the Total Life Change Programme in April 2019. Here, he shares his experience – and what changed for him.
Where I was
“I wasn’t going anywhere in my life – I seemed to be stuck and it was difficult. I was just doing the same thing over and over again, so I wanted to shift that. I’d been living in a van and picked up many skills and experiences that I wanted to share. But I wasn’t able to actually share them because of past patterns of behaviour and thinking that sabotaged me. I wanted to change this and start stepping into what I have to offer in the world.”
Playing and having fun
“One of the most helpful parts of the TLC was the primal work. I realised, much to my dismay, how much I am actually like my dad. Every moment felt like, “I can’t stand this.” But I had to keep on doing it, facing this thing I didn’t like about myself.
It was through this process that I realised that this is where my pattern came from of not doing anything, not engaging in things and just plodding along, accepting what is. In the role play work, I had an opportunity to explore parts of myself that I had been afraid to look at. I experienced wanting to win, which I was never able to do as a child. It felt fantastic to want to be first and to actually be first. I had a lot of fun exploring the powerful aspects of myself that I had suppressed.
The facilitators on the TLC were amazingly supportive. Whenever I wasn’t sure about acting in a certain way or needed more encouragement, or was just stuck, they were great. They’d get the whole group to give each person support. The facilitators also inspired us with their stories, giving us hope that it’s possible to change and to move from a really bad place to something quite special in yourself.”
“The biggest change I made as a result of the TLC was beginning the Team Leader Programme (TLP) at Osho Leela. For me, this is about stepping into giving my gifts, because part of the TLP is leading meditations, and there’s a certain magic energy that comes through me when I’m leading meditations. It was a challenge to step up to that. I wouldn’t have done that if it wasn’t for the TLC.”
Awareness, change & action
“Because of the TLC, I realised just how much of ‘me’ is conditioned from the past. I made a commitment to be aware of those patterns and change then. It was strongly reflected back to me that this had to be done even if I didn’t want it.
It was inevitable that everything that came up in the TLC needed to be faced in the months that followed. At the moment, I’m going through a big transition. I’ve faced my core wounds and my foundation personality has been eroded away, leaving me in a place of creating something new – being something new. It’s scary but it’s exciting. This is a big change and I don’t know where it’s going or what I’m going to be.
There’s more of a fullness and authenticity in how I express myself. I’m now able to say the things that I used to hide away. Some of the shields have come down and masks have been taken off. Now, people act differently towards me because I’m more genuine.”
What I’d say to anyone thinking about it …
“If you’re thinking about doing the TLC but you’re hesitant to take the plunge, I’d say, go for it! Absolutely go for it. If you’re nervous about it, if you’re asking the question, then it means you should do it. You’re here now; you’re ready for it.”
The Total Life Change program is personalised to your needs, supporting you in healing your past and discovering self-love and trust in life. You’ll find out that you are a lovable human being and can make the changes you need to in your life.
If this resonates, check out the Total Life Change Program here and sign up to start your journey of transformation!