It probably doesn’t feel like it right now. That sinking feeling as you scroll through Facebook and see your ex-partner happy on a sunny holiday with their new love. The dread in your gut when you wake up to face another day of dealing with divorce fallout – the financial nightmare, the child custody battles. The emptiness in your heart when you face a bleak evening alone, missing your partner’s warmth and love.
Surviving the Deadly Cocktail of Emotions
When you’re saying goodbye to a spouse, partner or love of your life, sometimes it just feels unbearable. If it was your ex’s decision, your self-esteem has probably plummeted. Maybe there was abuse or betrayal of trust involved, or perhaps it was simply that you grew apart or discovered your incompatibilities. You might find it hard to recognise yourself without this anchor in your life, even if it had become painful. As humans, we can tend to hold on to what we know, even if it’s not working for us anymore.
Perhaps you felt similar feelings when other relationships ended, or a loved one died. It feels like you just don’t want to ‘go there’ again. It hurts too much; and besides, what’s the point?
You’ve probably already realised that a band-aid approach won’t work in the long-term. Trying to simply replace your partner with another, or distract yourself with TV, alcohol or other diversions, will only cover over the pain until it repeats again in the next difficult ending. Because the cocktail of emotions – anger, sadness, anxiety, loneliness and an overriding sense of disempowerment – is there to point you towards something. Something that was within you all along but just took this particular crisis to come to your attention.
You know you need to heal to find meaning, joy and fulfilment again, but where do you begin?
It Starts Here
First, the feelings need to be felt. That means fully.
When we’re going through a breakup, we need to learn to hold ourselves and all our ‘messy’ emotions with love and compassion. And to do that, we often need some holding ourselves.
Maybe some of your friends are tired of hearing about the hell you’re going through – they might be telling you to ‘get over it’. Or they try to ‘fix’ the problem by giving you advice, rather than just listening to you. Maybe you yourself feel impatient with the rate of progress as you take one step forward and one step back in your recovery from heartbreak. No amount of talking seems to help – after the initial relief when you tell your story, the feelings soon come back. You might feel you have nowhere to turn.
What if you could find a way to work through your feelings, including the memories and emotions from the past that your breakup has stirred up? What could be possible for you if you could gain insight into what’s really going on? What if you could truly start again and begin to create your life from a place of clarity and empowerment?
What’s Behind the Stuck Record?
Rightly or wrongly, we learn how to give and receive love from our parents as a child. But these models for love may not always be the healthiest: they may include emotional and physical abuse and manipulation. Without becoming aware of certain patterns, subconsciously you will be attracting partners that fit the model you were brought up with – even if it doesn’t make you happy and even if they are not the partners who will nourish and love you.
In fact, they hurt you and bring up all your feelings of unworthiness – and that is their purpose. It might sound harsh, but your latest heartache is your wake up call to stop the past playing out in the present. The choice is yours: you can wake up now or you can carry on getting lost in the drama, partner after partner, breakup after breakup.
From Crisis to Fulfilment
Osho Leela is an environment where you are accepted as you are, where you’re able to drop the pretence of being ‘fine’ all the time, where you can receive nourishment. You will also have your beliefs about yourself and relationships challenged in a healthy way so you can discover what unhealthy programmes are running your life and start to shift them.
Our 7-day Total Life Change program (TLC) is a powerful process if you are going through a relationship breakdown or crisis. It allows you to dig into your past and see which of your patterns of relating are holding you back from the love you want and deserve.
With the TLC, you will learn and reprogram a new model of love with words, touch, truth and honesty in a safe, supportive environment. You will find out what you really need to feel loved and respected and how to express this to others. You will learn how to allow yourself to be held and witnessed in love and compassion and learn how to do the same for others.
You can find out more here.
Written by Khalsa Nichols and Shivani Ottoway
Khalsa (Morgan) Nichols is a writer, singer and group facilitator living and working at Osho Leela, where she follows her passions for personal development, nature and music, inspiring others on these paths. www.morganknichols.com.
Shivani Ottaway is a writer, facilitator, event coordinator and promoter at Osho Leela, having spent 10 years travelling and working for corporate America. She now dedicates her life to personal and spiritual development and endeavours to help others on the same path. firstname.lastname@example.org